At last night's Town Board Meeting, the Town Supervisor and her fellow witchhunters proved yet again that they do not understand their role in our community. Not only did Supervisor Duke read a statement in which she had the audacity to defend the Board's hamhanded, dictatorial handling of the Manuela Mihailescu controversy (or is it a scandal?), she also refused to speak about the way in which the Town Board mistreated the residents at last month's meeting.
Supervisor Duke, instead of acknowledging the Town Board's mismanagement of the "adult website" question, gave us all a poor excuse for an excuse. In essence, the Town Board was forced to confront Ms. Mihailescu and treat her like the lord of the manor treats a scullery maid simply because they heard a rumor.
Fundamentally, what the Supervisor is saying is that anyone can be kept off of a Town Committee simply because "someone" tells the Board that the applicant has done something, no matter how absurd, how inane the accusation may be. Furthermore, despite Constitutional guarantees to the right to face one's accuser, this Town Board has decided that neither Constitutionality nor the standards of basic fairness require them to reveal the name of the person making the accusation.
Apparently, the Town Board will now be telling tales, based on the idea that they might just possibly be partially true, and using them to keep people out of participation in Town life. Seeing how the Supervisor has now taken on a full time job in running the Town (and in the hopes that, by helping her out, we can avoid another pay increase), I have graciously taken it upon myself - in the spirit of volunteerism - to compile a list of rumors for them to use when they are looking for an excuse to purge someone.
I hope this helps:
1. The applicant is the father of Anna Nicole's baby.
2. The applicant helped shave Britney Spears' head.
3. The applicant's remarks about Nicole Richie's weight led to her eating disorder.
4. The applicant was once adopted by both Angelina Jolie and Madonna and ended up the subject of an ugly custody battle.
5. The applicant wrote Donald Trump's remarks on Rosie O'Donnell.
6. The applicant was once abducted by Little Green Men and played Scrabble with Elvis aboard their flying saucer. He or she was returned after welching on his or her Scrabble debt.
7. The applicant is particularly uncharitable, refusing to send money to the Association to Provide Chilean Lapdogs with Dog-Sized Gucci Footwear.
8. The applicant was the head Cameraman for the Megan Mullaly Show and the direct reason for its cancellation.
9. The applicant was dumb enough to believe Alec Baldwin's promise to leave the country if Bush wins the election.
10. The applicant actually likes Dustin Hoffman's Ishtar.
11. The applicant owns the secret 8 mm movie made of the Kennedy assassination and is planning to sell it on eBay along with a shriveled mushroom that is said to resemble Dennis Kucinich.
12. The applicant has proof that Paris Hilton is actually Marilyn Monroe's granddaughter and refuses to share it with the rest of us.
13. The applicant brought cookies to the last Town Board Meeting but did not bring enough for everyone.
14. The applicant, during his or her interview, pointed a finger at one of the Councilmen, about an inch from his eye, and kept repeating the phrase "I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you."
15. The applicant secretly refers to his or her calico cat as "Mommy".
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